I don't want to work but I want money

The comfort of having no deadlines, no stress, and a schedule more open than Bonnie Blue’s legs make me happy. I rarely am happy, however, the thought of being a NEET brings me a lot of joy. You know the feeling you get in your chest as a kid when something makes you really happy? Well not that good, but that’s how I feel thinking about not working. The conundrum is that I yearn for money.

It’s this weird split-brain thing: one half of me fantasizes about days that stretch forever, waking up naturally, scrolling without guilt, gaming until 4 a.m., eating whatever whenever, maybe finally finishing that one game or learning some random skill just because I feel like it. No boss breathing down my neck, no performative “hustle” bullshit, no pretending to care about quarterly goals. Pure, unfiltered freedom. That mental image alone is enough to make the chest flutter a little, like a low-grade dopamine drip that never quite runs dry.

But then the other half kicks in hard: bank account rarely going up, and that slow panic of “what if this is forever and I end up broke and explaining myself to family?” Maybe the real fantasy isn’t full NEET or full wageslave, it’s finding some cheat-code middle ground where I scrape by with minimal effort, enough cash flows in to keep buying trinkets and DoorDash occasional, but the leash stays loose. I’ve always tried to scheme money as a kid, and they always end up being short-sighted and never work.

So here I stand. Stuck romanticizing a life I can’t fully afford while knowing the 9-to-5 grind would probably crush whatever spark is left in me, or just make me off myself. What’s the answer? I have a bachelors in Information Technology, but that might as well be the modern day liberal arts degree. So I built this blog to air out my feelings. Maybe in a year I will be in a better place, mentally or financially (hopefully both) and I will look back at this post feeling happy that I’m no longer in this place, but sad I felt this.